A while ago I felt uncomfortable and just generally without peace. That whole month my friends and I were making plans every single weekend. It’s so hard to say no here, sometimes you’re just carried away with Dubai lifestyle and frankly you never want to be the party pooper! There are times I feel the city is too loud I can barely hear myself. That month, I kept ignoring that voice in me and just going wherever the next night out or brunch or get together was.
For an introvert like myself it was only a matter of time until I felt I was suffocating, I just wanted to go home, sit down by myself and take a deep breath. I got to a point where I was constantly irritated by everything around me. At the office, I felt like I just wanted to yell at everyone to stop talking because their voices disturbed me.
The very next day I deactivated all my social media accounts. I realised I needed to connect back to the person in me that I ignored for a while and to do that I had to be away from everyone and everything.
The time I spent by myself thinking took me back to before my Dad passed away. I used to be an artist, I used to paint and write. Art was so important to me because it helped me express myself. After my Dad passed away I stopped everything. I lost any desire to do all those things.
Pain and grief are so powerful they can mask all other feelings including love. If you forget yourself in pain you will lose grip of any other emotion because it’s easier for the brain to be sad than to be creative. It’s a very scary thing when you lose the drive to do the things you love. For a while I thought it meant something in me simply died. But now that I feel the need to do something about it makes me wonder if that part in me was just hiding.
This is why I’m writing; this is why this blog. I admit, it is a way for me to reconcile with my old self. Maybe somewhere along the way of writing this blog I might find the drive to do all the things I loved to do. I want to help myself with this, but I’m sure I can help others as well. I don’t know what I’m going to write about, it’s going to be a lot of things that just come to my mind!
All I know is that it’s going to be true, sincere and straight from the heart.